thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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