We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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