forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
