please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
