So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
