You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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