He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
