Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
