currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just invented taco cereal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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