im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
