Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
