Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
