I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize