Can i not drive my cunt home
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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