I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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