Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
