Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
