My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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