You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
