Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
