I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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