Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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