im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize