His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
