I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
