well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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