Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
