she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
