I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
