so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
