Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
