hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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