APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
