He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
