I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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