so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
