plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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