I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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