I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
