i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
