And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
