I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
