hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
