Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
