dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
