Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
