Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
