I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
