dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sext me about skeletons
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
