why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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