Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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