I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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