He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
