I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
