Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
