hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
