last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
