She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
