I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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