Duck Duck Cougar?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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