Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
