have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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