I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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