Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
