cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
