atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
